You Only Go Once (Y.O.G.O.)
Cheryl and Eileen explore different topics around the limited time we have on this earth to create a fully layered life. Because...You Only Go Once!
You Only Go Once (Y.O.G.O.)
Love Always Wins: Tara Carroll's Inspiring Story
How often do you come across a love story that not only inspires you, but also motivates you to believe in the power of love? We had the privilege of hosting Tara Carroll and her husband, Trey, who are living proof that unconditional love isn't just a cliché but a beautiful reality. Their journey of eloping at 19 and 21, breaking generational curses, and understanding each other's love languages is a testament to their commitment to each other and to their belief that love always wins.
Their love story isn't just confined to their personal lives but has evolved into a project, 'Love Always Wins.' Starting as a social media journey, it has grown into brand collaborations, modeling gigs, and even a book! They also have plans to host a marriage retreat, extending their shared wisdom and experiences to help others in their journey of love. Tara's confidence and their combined resilience during the pandemic have remarkably influenced countless lives, reinforcing the importance of kindness and positivity even in the most challenging times.
What makes Tara's story even more compelling is her journey of self-discovery and personal growth. She shares stories of those who have shown her love and care during tough times and how these experiences have helped her cultivate self-love and combat self-doubt. Tara also introduces us to her inner voice, 'Nick', her guiding light during decision-making. Tara and Trey have extended an open invitation to join their growing online community across multiple platforms including YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok, where they continue to spread their powerful message of love. So come join us, listen in, and embark on your own journey of unconditional love. Because ultimately, love always wins.
Hello, hello, hello, Welcome everyone. You are here with my wonderful co-host, Eileen Grimes. I'm Cheryl Cantafio and this is you Only Go Once. Eileen is going to introduce us to a fantastic guest. Eileen, kick us off.
Eileen Grimes:Thank you, cheryl. So today we are so excited to bring you Tara Necolina Carroll, who advocates for all things unconditional love, marriage and relationships. She and her husband began this journey before they even realized that they were that one young couple. Not only did they meet on Instagram, but they also eloped at the ripe ages of 19 and 21. Now, at the ages of 26 and 27, they share their journey and guide those along the similar path of unconditional love. While sharing how they break generational curses, navigate love languages and the different seasons of marriage, their goal is to help those who stopped believing and love to believe again. Their goal is to remind the world that love always wins. That's law. Welcome, welcome, welcome, Tara. We're so glad to have you here.
Tara Carroll:Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm excited to be here.
Eileen Grimes:Yeah, oh my gosh. So even from your bio there is so much I want to know about my goodness. This might take an hour and a half, maybe two or three hours, we'll see what happens, but yeah, I mean, how incredible, what an amazing journey. So first, let's just start out real quickly here. Instagram Tell us the story, so, ironically okay.
Tara Carroll:So I was actually in a long term relationship for four years prior to this and it was September when we broke up. Now, mind you, I made I decided to leave and after this moment, I made a promise to myself and I said I'm just going to focus on me. And literally a month to that day, I was on Instagram and this this dude started liking all my pictures and I was like what I was in the mindset of I'm not playing any games, I'm really focusing on myself right now. So what are your intentions? So I sent him a message and I said, hey, my name is Tara Nice to meet you. I don't know you. And he started replying. He's like, yeah, I followed you because you know you were. You were really beautiful and I was like, okay, that's cool, you know, not really feeding into it.
Cheryl Cantafio:Yep.
Tara Carroll:Conversation started to go really deep, like he was like he was telling me where he was in in in his life at the moment. He was telling me, you know, he was in the military. And I was like, ref, like I come as a Vietnam veteran. So I always said I was never going to like talk to a military person. So I was like, okay, you know, we can be friends, but this is not going to go anywhere.
Tara Carroll:But then he asked, you know, he was like what are you in college? Force, at the time I had just went to college. He's like what are you in college for? What are you studying? But then he was like so what do you want to do with that? And that was something that, like, even my friends didn't ask, or like you know. So I was like, okay, this is going a little different. So then he tells me, you know, he was like yeah, I didn't want to go into the military for the military. He's like I was actually in college and my financial aid dropped, but I didn't just go on it, nothing. And so I was like, oh, okay, that's a green flag, okay, I decided during the military. And so then I was like Well, that's, that's interesting.
Tara Carroll:So I opened up about how my dad was a Vietnam veteran and I was like you know, I'm really interested in the veterans, but not like as far as like talking to veterans regard. He's like you know, you respected that. But then so ironically, he was stationed 40 minutes from my hometown and I was currently going to college 40 minutes from where he grew up. But, mind you, those are four hours apart. So we were off. So I was like Okay, interesting.
Tara Carroll:So I was going to go home that following weekend it was around October and I always go home to go to like hunted houses, my best friends and stuff like that. So I said you want to go? You know we can meet up. Didn't know at the time that he didn't like scary things, but he's like yeah, I'll go. Didn't know this. So we meet up for our first date and he picks me up in his friend's car he doesn't have a car at the time, I already know this and I get in the front seat. I asked my best friend to come and I'm like ride with me, just in case, because I don't know the person's the first time we're right, so very smart backseat.
Tara Carroll:I get in the front seat and his best, his friends in the car as well, the guy that card he's borrowing, the guy's like, yeah, this is his car. And he's like trying to chop it up and I'm like I already know this is his car, I know he doesn't have a, so already at that point like Okay, this, this friend isn't in, but okay, right, so we get to the fair and we get out and, I'm not gonna lie, was a little nervous Because, like, if he gets out the car and he's shorter than what he told me, this is gonna be a little awkward. I all these things are going through my head, like this fair, yeah, and he immediately pays for me. And that was a green flag, because the previous relationship that I had been in I paid for everything.
Tara Carroll:So that was okay green flag, but he didn't. It wasn't like he was trying to show, it was just like natural for him. But then we're going on rides. I didn't ride anything with him. I was writing my best friend the whole time Because, again I come, I was coming from a long distance or a long term relationship. I'm not trying to jump in. I know you're doing all these nice things for me, but that's not. That's okay great, that I should expect. After that day, mind you, I wrote maybe one ride with him After that day. We ended up actually going to the haunted house the next day. So that was actually when I felt something different. So we're walking through the haunted house and I felt so comfortable with myself. So when I'm scared or if I'm in pain, I talk a lot of crap. It's very sarcastic. So we're walking to the haunted house. We end up getting lost from our group because they take off running and I'm not going to run, I'm walking.
Cheryl Cantafio:So I'm walking through.
Tara Carroll:Someone jumps at me and I'm just sarcastic, like super sarcastic. He didn't judge me, like the actor he was like, so you're not scared and I was like whoa, whoa, whoa your breath.
Tara Carroll:So funny, it was a funny moment. Then at the end the chainsaws come out. Oh god, I end up leaving him my takeoff running and it was so funny. So he walks out. He's like I see how this is gonna go. It was just, it would be a. It was nothing. Yeah, I stay.
Tara Carroll:This was the last day before I had to leave to go back to college and I knew that something was just. I was like you. I wanted to tell him that he felt like home. But this was our second day of meeting. Sure, yeah, right, oh, like this is. I haven't even felt this in a friendship. I felt open with you and we ended up.
Tara Carroll:I think we spent maybe two hours together because he had to go back and he had duty that day. And then after that we talked every single day on the phone. He would wake me up for class. I had 7 30 in the morning class. Like every day He'd wake up, make me for class. He makes sure I was doing my homework. He was sometimes majority of the time. Sometimes he'd be on like FaceTime with me in class making sure, like I'm doing my stuff or Stuff in the military I was helping him study. He would bring his packets down.
Tara Carroll:At the time, still, we didn't have cars, so I was taking Amtrak to see him. Then there was one night where we stayed up for hours and he asked me one question, and this is how I knew that this was something that wasn't gonna go, like he wasn't gonna go away. He asked me what was the way that I was? And no one has ever asked me that in terms of why do I shut down at times or why.
Tara Carroll:It was like a deep question and I opened up about all of my traumas, like childhood traumas, and it wasn't like he just Soaked it in, was like a blank wall. After he heard, he was receptive and then he shared his and that that moment, like I was like wow, like you've been through things too, and yeah, wait, and you're not a crappy person. Like wow, it was, it was. That was the moment where I was like, oh yeah, this is, this is gonna go somewhere. But still we didn't have a title, we didn't, we didn't call each other like boyfriend or girlfriend, it was just we're just right away. It was like we're just gonna go with the flow, and the flow led us to marriage a year later.
Cheryl Cantafio:Oh my goodness, look at you such a great story, yeah, yeah, and you know what you beam when you tell it. So you know it's like, you know. It's that moment where you're like, oh, I met my, I met my guy. All right, I met my partner, my soul, partner for life, and you could see it like be meaning out of your eyes. You're like, yeah, this was cute. You're like it was sort of a me cute set at a haunted house and this is fine. And you know it's nice that you lifted each other up. Yeah, which was lovely. And they sound like incredibly mature conversations for 19 and 21. I mean, you're still trying to figure the world out and you two found each other and just went.
Eileen Grimes:Yep, that's it.
Cheryl Cantafio:Here we go.
Eileen Grimes:I'm gonna bring you back for a second, because they eloped at 19 and 21. Oh, okay, yeah, mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm doing the math here, okay, oh, yes, you did, didn't you?
Cheryl Cantafio:Okay, yes.
Eileen Grimes:Even so even so.
Cheryl Cantafio:Yes even so, what a great, what a great love story. Awesome, awesome, awesome. I Feel for your husband because I too am not great at haunted houses. So there's a place near and I'm in Philly, so there's a place near us called Eastern State Penitentiary, and my two friends Took me there twice. Now I will say I agreed to both times but I was gonna say come, yeah, I know, but I, I read that you could say monster, go away, but you had to be 11 or under. So, like, literally, people are jumping out of me and I'm like monster, go away. They're like that doesn't work. Like there were people like breaking character going. You're not 11 and I'm like, fine, still go away, yeah. So yes, I was the one that was like screaming to the point where actors broke character because they were laughing at me so hard. Yes, so I, I empathize and sympathize with your then-boyfriend, now husband. So, yeah, yeah.
Eileen Grimes:I feel the same. I I watch scary movies Like I kind of let do a little no, no one can see this as to what's happening right now between Between the three of us but I kind of like make a screen with my fingers and then I use my thumbs to plug my ears when watching Watching horror movies. Yep, just like there's something about the sound for me. So I feel like if I was in one of those, I'd really happen thing one. I'd probably just get very injured very quickly. But yes, I've heard that Eastern State one is terrifying, like really it truly Terrifying.
Cheryl Cantafio:Yeah, it was at the time for me, but I'm also a big chicken, so, like we just, so my husband, I just watched, and it was my own fault. I bought the stupid DVDs. So we watched in city, us like one through.
Cheryl Cantafio:Yeah and right, they're not bad. But I use the blanket as the shield and I lead, I do what you do, I put my thumbs in my ear, in my ears, and go, just let me know when the scary noise is over, because, like the crunching, I'm like no, nope. And then we watched, like we binge too, and then I was like we have to watch something happy, put something happy on. I don't care if it's Marvel, I don't care if it's a cartoon, I don't care what it is. We're probably all in trouble for all the the Things that we're mentioning. This is not an ad, just saying so. Yeah, there's like that's how I watch most scary movies, like I'll be into it and watch it. And then I'm like we have to watch something happy.
Eileen Grimes:I can't go to bed yet.
Eileen Grimes:No not yet, oh my gosh. So yeah, I just you know, listening to one year story Of how you met and really those, that last conversation, kind of specifically, you know there's the reciprocity right, the reciprocity and encouragement and just that mutual Wanting and seeing each other to be the best version of yourselves. That you can be right already in in the Conversations and what's already happening and it looks like that even more because you're both in this, this journey together With this love always wins. Right like that to to want to see each other succeed Along those lines, only continues to push you and and share and be the best versions of yourselves. So, obviously, that started from the beginning. So now you're here, how, like, obviously, you got married and and that and these things. How did you get to Hear that where you've created this, this space now? So this love always wins. When did that start happening? When did you to decide that? And is he gonna come on and say hi to us at some point?
Tara Carroll:So love always wins actually was birthed February of 2022, so that it's it's really new, but our brand in total, as far as sharing and being an advocate for love and marriage, that began in 2020. So I'll start there and then go to there Grad school and I had just had our first child. I think he was like probably six months old and I got into grad school. I ended up getting dropped May 2020.
Tara Carroll:So the pandemic just had gone bad and Got dropped from grad school and I was like hurt, really hurt, because one If I'm being real, I was only going to school because I was getting paid for the VA was paying me money For whatever. So I was okay, I'll continue to go to school so we can get another check, just in case you know. For the pandemic was all over the place. So then that happened and I was like I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I was building a platform, like I was. I was getting all these followers and in all these things, like, mind you, I was just sharing about our life, like I I something every day and I normally I'll just share it.
Tara Carroll:So I was like, okay, maybe I'll just get into YouTube, like maybe I can, I can do that and I know YouTube is, you know, great income. Yeah, tray was hesitant. He was like, you know, okay, going from a to income household tool one, you're talking YouTube Um, he was very, really real and I was like, you know, let's just try it, like, have some faith in me, I think I can do this.
Cheryl Cantafio:So he was like all right.
Tara Carroll:I'm gonna have faith in you. So I started posting and stuff like that. And then I believe I had like my first brand collaboration and that's kind of where, like the money started coming in. But I just I was like I wasn't really worried about the followers. It was never really about the followers, it was never. It was just about the message. I just want to share our love, Like I wanted people to see, like love is real, Like what I'm living right now is real life. And I know that because those were the things that I saw growing up. I didn't know that people really lived like this. I saw it on TV and I saw it's what I wanted. But I think that this was real life. So I was like if I can just if I can share this, and if one person is affected, even when I share the bad things like not necessarily bad, that's a negative connotation, but when I share the things that I had to learn what one can learn from that, and if it's just one person, then my job is done. So I just kept doing that, kept doing that and sticking to that and went from, let's say, 5K all the way to, I think 19K was when I first hit like the big, like plateau, and I was like, wow, this is growing Fast forward.
Tara Carroll:We started getting like collaborations and modeling gigs as a couple. A lot of photographers were hitting us up and they're like wow, we see like your energy, Like we want real. We don't really want to cast fake people anymore. And I was like cool, because you know, I used to model my husband doesn't, but he's willing to. So then we started doing that and we started getting a lot of compliments. People were like wow, like the energy you guys have, like we see it online, but when we're around you guys, like the love that eludes through you guys, it's different, it's crazy. A lot of people like to call us like the newlyweds and then they find out we've been married for almost seven years this year and they're like that's crazy.
Tara Carroll:So then 2022 comes along. Well, okay, no, we celebrate our five years November of 2021. And after we went on our, we had, like a little, our late honeymoon, cause we never had a honeymoon, so we had late. We came back. I felt in my spirit that we needed to hold a marriage retreat. Now, when did it know? But I knew we needed to hold one. All those things that we learned from our five years of marriage. Leading up, all the things that we celebrated, even like when we were in Cancun each day had a specific theme, had a specific color, had a specific intention of what we were going to do in these next five years, rejoicing of the five years we just came from, but now getting our heads screwed on straight and seeing where God's gonna take us in these next five years.
Tara Carroll:So then we came back and I was writing down in my journal and I was like, okay, marriage retreat 2023. Then, I kid you not, it was like the next day I don't know where it came from, it was like a whispering around my ear and it was like love always wins. And I was like, ooh, that's cool. And then I saw law and I was like, ooh, that's long. I wrote it down, I Googled it and I didn't see it anywhere and I was like there's no way. And I was like, okay, I'm just gonna keep it.
Cheryl Cantafio:Like hold on a minute.
Tara Carroll:I was like, oh my gosh. So then that actually became a book, so I wrote that as a book. Love always wins. That's long, and it's a marriage workbook. But it's also for singles, and I encourage it for singles, because everything that you do in marriage you have to do for yourself first, and you don't know that until you get into a marriage Like they tell you. But then you get into one and it's like, oh my gosh, all these things I have to do for this person I really should be doing for myself and you learn how to do that. Anyways, that's a tangent.
Eileen Grimes:Yeah, I know it's a great one.
Tara Carroll:So it started as a book, and the book has all of the elements that we had learned in the first five years of our marriage. So our foundation, learning how to be vulnerable with one another, coming up with all these like we, learning that, knowing that we have baggage, and learning how to unpack our baggage together and not judging one another for the baggage, all those things. And then the book includes a scrapbook and a journal entry for each time you talk to things, and all that anyways. So that's where it started, right? So then we launched the book in July of last year and the front of the cover is Pinkie Promises. Oh, it's a Pinkie. Hold on, let me see the pressure. Come on sweet.
Eileen Grimes:Yeah, that's sweet. We're seeing the shirt with all of this on it for those who are listening and can't see yes, slept shirt specifically. It's very cute.
Tara Carroll:Yes, the Pinkie. We always used to Pinkie Promise each other. I don't really know where it came from, but like we would send each other Pinkie Promises and that hold a lot of weight for us. So that was the cover. So then I was like we should just make couple sweatshirts, like why don't we just, you know, couple where we like to match, I mean, and during the time of like towards the fall? So then we released our sweaters and it just became a whole brand. So now, like when we talk about vulnerable things, or even on my Instagram I had shared the other day, someone had came at me really negative and said that I was annoying, and I responded back in love and at the bottom I said this is why people cannot negate love with hate. You can't fight it because love always wins and that's law.
Tara Carroll:And it's like it just became it has become something that it's like it's a part of our foundation, it's a part of yeah, so that's where it came from, and there's a whole story, guys. I kind of went on a whole tangent.
Eileen Grimes:No, I love that, that's fantastic.
Cheryl Cantafio:Tara, I have to say that your brain works a lot like Eileen's brain and that there's like one little spark and then it's like all the things go, we gotta go, we gotta get this, this is happening, we're doing this, and this little part becomes this part and then becomes something greater. This is how the podcast started, by the way. So, yeah, eileen texted me and he went hear me out, okay. And, by the way, we used to work together for almost eight years and, like I would get texts every night, hear me out, what about this 10 o'clock text program? So we just, you know, we would talk about different ideas and stuff like that. So, tara, considering that Eileen is like my partner in crime and all things awesome. I totally love your story and I love the energy that you've brought to it and also just the confidence that you brought to it too, because I would imagine that YouTube and and I speak as somebody who's risk adverse, so I will put that out there you just want, yeah, I'm just going to do this. I love that.
Cheryl Cantafio:Trey was like all right, like I guess this is happening, we're going to do this, and you made it work and you built on that and especially, as you said earlier, that the you know, the internet and socials can also be a cruel place that you found a way to become a positive influencer versus put them up, you know, put up your Dukes, cause I'm ready to fight you.
Cheryl Cantafio:You didn't. You didn't fight. You countered with love, and I think that is that's, that's a credit to you, because I, you know, in this world it just feels like and I know, and I speak on my own behalf is that I have a fuse that's like this big little, teensy, tiny, and there are sometimes where people irritate me, but I have chosen not to respond because my face wins over that all the time. So, and social media is a place where you're, you know, people get a little bit of brave and they're like oh yeah, I'll tell this person. I love that you came back in that sense of bravery and conviction in your message that love always wins, and I'd like to think that love does always win and I think that that's a wonderful message that you have so good on you. Eileen, I interrupted you, so I'm sorry, totally.
Eileen Grimes:I was just going to say we would definitely be fast friends, so you're spot on.
Eileen Grimes:Cheryl and not truly. When I said earlier that we could talk for two or three hours, now, I'm definitely serious about that and not joking. So, yeah, no, I, it was incredible just to hear that piece of it, and it's fascinating too, because I also had sort of a 2020 moment of things coming to life. Right, that moment in time, with pandemic and all kinds of things, was a moment to reflect and just think about what life sort of meant in a different way and what really mattered and what was impactful and what kind of impact you wanted to make and the values that you have. And yeah, I just I tell my kids also that, like I want to be a spreader of kindness and allow the flow to keep going. Like I don't have to give examples, but there was the one time, like in the drive through, I like paying for the people behind me, sometimes Like why do you do this mom? Like that's, you're so weird and embarrassing. I'm like, well, it's too bad. But then the other day we went to Cold Stone and no, they're not sponsors yet. But also, my daughter wants to work there. She's decided that that's what she wants to do when she's older. She's going to be an ice cream maker. So, anyway, when it's a Cold Stone, the person in front of us paid and so both of them were just dumbfounded that something like that had happened and they're like mom, that's like what you do. And I was like that's exactly it. We keep the flow of kindness going and then it keeps spreading and keeps moving to other people. Now we're seeing it come back to us again.
Eileen Grimes:So I just I I mean you know what's that, saying that it's in a world where you can be anything, be kind. Yes, I don't know who said it first. I apologize. We'll try to look it up and share for folks. That's what you're doing and it's so wonderful because sometimes it sounds, it looks so lonely in this space, you know, when you hear so much in the news and other social media stuff, and I'm so grateful to be sharing this space with you today, to be with someone else who's doing work like this, so it's just incredible to be able to sit with you in that. So Love Always Wins. That's law. We have a book Awesome. What else are you doing? So you're doing some couples retreats. What does it look like now for people who are interested in this and or would want to take part. What kind of things do you provide and share out? You obviously have the YouTube channel and some of those spaces. Are there other things that people can see and get involved in, just if they're really curious about Love Always?
Tara Carroll:Wins. Yeah, so YouTube for sure, that space is actually entitled. Let's Get Real About Marriage. If people want to get like the real, real, like raw, honest, like we're just speaking, talking like we have some really deep conversations, that's actually where it started from. I was like I wish we just could record us talking Like we have some really great conversations. So that's where it started. So we have a whole different space for that. That's our real, raw, honest. If you want to get really get to know us, that's where you can really see us.
Tara Carroll:Instagram is a huge growing platform right now. For me, that space is really I like to call it like. That to me, is my America what America was supposed to be. That's my America. It has a mixture of so many different cultures, so many different ages. Like when I tell you that we porn to people, a man messaged me the other day he's 53, and he was saying how much he has learned and he was thanking me for the post I had just posted. He was like I am learning so much, like my wife and I are going at it and wow, just to hear this and it. It touched me because even coming up still do I get judged because I'm 26 and they're like you're a good experience. And I'm like, okay, you're just not going to learn from me, it's okay, I'm not for everyone, you know I understand that.
Tara Carroll:So Instagram is more so. If you want a community like and I and I charge people like if you're going to be in this community and someone is being vulnerable under it, posted, it is not for you to judge them.
Cheryl Cantafio:It's not for you to if you're going to be a part of this.
Tara Carroll:This is a family.
Tara Carroll:And I'm so sorry about this because it's never been about numbers. And, yes, the numbers are coming and I've been checked. My ego has been checked because, even though it's never been about numbers, there was a point and I'm like, oh my gosh, there's followers. Oh, I need to do this, I need to do this. And I was checked because it was never about that. It was about the message. So that Instagram is really like, it's becoming like a for me. We're on TikTok as well. We actually started a new TikTok. You guys are all about moving away from fear.
Eileen Grimes:Yeah, let me tell you totally right, we're about to jump into it, so tell us all about it, please.
Tara Carroll:We had grew to like 75 K and then I think it was one of the videos we had our kids in and TikTok was like and we're going to like basically like shadow ban you guys. So they had that. But we kept posting, right. So we started getting followers again. But something kept telling me I just need to start over, like just start over. So I kind of fought it for a little bit. I kind of I made the account and I told my husband.
Tara Carroll:I was like I think we see a start over, let's just start over and just see what happens. Like we were getting into this groove of, oh, we need to post this, we need to post this, or they want to see this. Yes, we just like take talk as a community. I care about the people. But again, I know, I know what I came here to do.
Tara Carroll:So, yeah, you may, you may see me in one light, but I'm not, I'm not here to just be this one thing for you If I'm going to post, I'm going to post what feels authentic to me, and we were starting to move away from that. So I was like all right, we start over. I tell you, we start over, like I think five days ago, and it's been a journey, because there's still parts of me that that are still trying to operate up. Oh my gosh, if that doesn't get seen, or if that doesn't get, or they're going to judge me for this and I'm moving away from that because, again, I'm not for everybody and I have learned that I see that and I don't want to be for everybody.
Tara Carroll:Again one isn't in a place to receive my mindset or what I'm saying, or even it's in their own journeys, and that's no judgment. Some people are really in a hard space right now and they're not going to be able to receive the love that, or they can't recognize that it's love. So, with all that being said, youtube, instagram, my TikTok, facebook too I mean I post on there. I have I think I had some fault like eight, maybe eight K followers. Now it used to be kind of personal, but then I started posting the reels and people started to come in and I decided not to shun myself from that because these are all different areas and I could be reaching so many different people, so many different walks of life Not to just, you know, keep myself in this box, so all of those. As far as retreat goes, so we're going to be real. We had to have a retreat back in 2022. So last year they all still went. We didn't go, we weren't able to go. Things kind of fell through. But I feel like it fell through because, again, I lost sight of what we were, what we were supposed to do. We partnered with this company and, instead of me sticking to what I was you know what this retreat was going to be about. I just kind of was like oh, they have everything planned, they were doing this, they were adding all these things that it wasn't what we were, what we wanted our first retreat to be. So I'm pretty sure we didn't end up going.
Tara Carroll:So then, fast forward to I'm going to say, a couple of months ago. I kind of took like a little social media hiatus and trade works nights. So, and during his nights and I get the voice of sleep, I have my alone time. And in that alone time it was like I was. It was getting all of these like I guess you can say ideas like you hit. You hit your 10 o'clock PM night. Yeah, that was me. Now that I'm like, oh my gosh. So I'm writing it down and then stop getting ideas. I'll come close the book and I'll come back to it when I get the next idea. In four days I planned the entire retreat. Like I have the entire retreat in my, in my notebook, ready to go.
Tara Carroll:When is it going to be? Don't know, but when it's when I'm ready now. Before I wasn't ready, now I'm ready. So when the time comes, I don't have to get ready. I have everything ready to go. I don't. I don't know when it's going to be. I do feel it will be soon, who knows? But when it's when I announce it, everybody be ready, because this is going to be something that I'll share.
Tara Carroll:I'll share a tidbit in our marriage retreats, we are going to create a community where you will have people you can depend on, because marriage is hard and a lot of times you can't depend on people. You can't trust people to be like, oh my gosh, my husband was doing this and it's not like you're coming from a space of you want this one. You just, you know, hear me out Like just a lot of people don't have that and we have these weddings and you should be able to depend on these people in your weddings who come right. They're supposed to come to support you in after you walked on that aisle and after you say I do, it's the after it. You're not supposed to come for the way. You're supposed to come to say, okay, once you guys have your hard stuff, you can call me up and I'm going to make sure your head is screwed on straight and say figure, or fix it figured out, get out your own BS Like all that type of stuff, but that's not what people come into weddings for.
Tara Carroll:So this, our retreats are going to be whoever comes, and we want to kind of do like we want to cap it because we actually want to pour into couples, so like 25, maybe 30 couples, and in that group, each time, this is your community, this is your. We're going to have rededications. You can rededicate your marriage, it doesn't matter, like we're start over at that point and each time, like any, everyone in that group will hold you accountable. This is your tribe, this is your family. You have a tribe for your family. You should have a tribe for your marriage, and that's, that is what our foundation of our marriage retreat will be.
Eileen Grimes:I love it. So I mean, cheryl, I don't really even need to ask that this is happening question because that's it, that's it right. Yeah, yeah, that's later. But I don't even think we really need to touch on that at this point because that's. I see it in your heart Like this is yeah, this is happening, when. How? Exactly? No-transcript, that's fine, it'll come, it will come, that's right. And you know what it is.
Eileen Grimes:You are very clear exactly as to what's going to be happening and the other pieces will start to fall in place, and I don't say that. So sometimes, you know, saying something like that is that people think it's not work. It's still work. There's still stuff that has to happen. You're not just going to sit back and be like, okay, cool, got a plan in my head now and things just magically fall into place. It's not, that's not how it works. However, you will know when those things are meant to be touched on and the destination will come and all of those parts that you're looking for will be the right pieces that come into it, and that is incredible and so exciting, and you'll have to keep us updated for sure. I feel like it's I don't know, six months tops, truly, just from the way you're talking about it in all reality, like there's no way it's going to be longer than that. But yeah, I mean that's, that's amazing, and it just sounds incredible already Like you have your first trailer for this.
Eileen Grimes:So anyone that wants to sign up, just check out the Instagram DM. Let Tara know that you're coming whenever it happens. So, yeah, that's fantastic. There's so many different things you're doing. I'm going to have to pick your brain. Honestly, we need to get we need to get phone numbers together so we can text when those idea times happen. Also, maybe we need to run an idea monthly group to other people, because boy, oh boy, do I love doing that stuff. Like, oh, yeah, let's talk about it. Well, what about this and how would you do this and are you thinking about this kind of thing? And I just thrive in that space, as Cheryl knows.
Cheryl Cantafio:So I was going to say welcome to Eileen's brain. Welcome to Eileen's brain, yeah, and it's great. It's great, I love it because she gives me energy and I think you probably give your people, the people that follow you, energy, right, because it's like, yeah, I didn't think about that. Okay, I'm going to go off and think about what what she said and do this and come back to it. Your spirit reminds me a lot of somebody who I am a big fan of, and that is Shonda Rhimes, and she wrote a book called you May Be Familiar, year of yes.
Tara Carroll:The second time someone referred to her when it came to me. Sorry, continue, that's crazy.
Eileen Grimes:And we've seen her in her like speaking and stuff like that. So I'm getting chills right now.
Cheryl Cantafio:We got to meet her and have her sign our books, so yeah, it was not my shining moment because literally I was like it's really, this is great to meet you, and she was like, oh, it's nice to meet you. She was so gracious about it. But I was like, oh, like, oh, my God, I'm meeting this human who's awesome, and I don't have words right now. Perfect, eddie Hoodle. You remind me of her book because it just seems like and the premise for all right hi audience. So for people don't know, shonda Rhimes book, the Year of yes.
Cheryl Cantafio:She is highly introverted and one day she was talking about how she got invited to something and her sister so it sounds to me like her family keeps her very grounded and her sister said, well, are you going to go? And she said, no, probably not. And her sister mumbled under her breath you never say yes. So at that point she decided, okay, I'm going to have a year of yes and I'm going to say yes to every opportunity that comes to me.
Cheryl Cantafio:Now she set boundaries for herself because there were some things where she's like I don't want to be on TV, like I, I can do this, we can prove your cord, that's cool, but that's what I'm doing, and really got to understand women in her industry better. Like why are we like this? You know, I feel like you have kind of transcended the like why are we like this? And you're more like no, this is who we are and this is what I've said yes to. You know, I didn't just say yes to the dress, I said yes to this life and I'm sharing that with you so that you understand what it means to say yes, and that's really cool.
Tara Carroll:So actually, yeah, I needed I have chills because, side note, I went to Target today, come from the voices room into the schoolroom and I was looking at some books and I was just walking by I never go by the books and I saw her book, so it's ironic that you mentioned that. No, there's no coincidence. I'm believing coincidences. Yeah, that I. You needed to say that. So thank you for your tangent, because that was confirmation for me in more ways than one.
Eileen Grimes:Also, yeah I, there's no excuse to have to have for going to Target, just saying like right, this is not an ad. So what? No, it's again. But like I heard something, someone was like well, what are you getting from Target? I was like I don't know.
Cheryl Cantafio:Target will tell me Right, target will let us know, the Target Oracle will let us know, and then we'll walk away.
Eileen Grimes:So you don't even have to explain why you went to Target. Truly, you, just I went to Target. That makes sense. Yep, oh my gosh, go on, cheryl, I see you thinking.
Cheryl Cantafio:I am, I'm thinking, this is my processing phase, like this is where I, so I look up in the air and I hope for some sort of intervention to come down. Do you run on impulse or is or or is it a mix of impulse and planning? Not planning, not planning. You just go.
Tara Carroll:I just go, I'm not a balance of both. Now, this is I'm learning a balance of both. And yeah, initially, no, I'm I'm, because if I, if I don't do it, I will overthink, I'm an overthinker and I will kick in all these little thoughts, negative thoughts will kick in. So if I don't just do it when my heart tells me to do it, then I probably won't do it.
Cheryl Cantafio:What do you say is the most impulsive thing that you've done? No, is this it yeah no, really I was gonna say come on, all right fair enough.
Eileen Grimes:So one of the things that I am noticing about you is I mean, obviously all of this is this rooted in love, and this, this piece, you know, say it Obviously, you've done your stuff right. You're the self-reflection and the piece of that's loving you. Where did you? I mean, who is your chorus? Who are the people that lift you up, also outside of your husband? That are your community, that are those people that also pour into you, because obviously that's a huge piece that you've seen. Yeah, I'm just curious if it was. Sometimes we see things or want things or need things, or know that those are things because we didn't have them, or sometimes we had a great amount of them. So I'm curious as to what that has looked like for you through your life.
Tara Carroll:So growing up I will say I was very blessed because in the home hell okay, in the home was hell, but out of the home I was shown so much love from teachers, principles. I was always called teacher's pet. I always gravitated towards the adults in church. But ironically so I've been doing a lot of work on my thoughts these past couple of weeks because in the next few weeks I'll be speaking at the what she said event and I wanted to kind of unpack like my anxieties around speaking, like I'm not scared of how I'm speaking at all, but I have, like these self-doubts and I wanted to unpack where did these come from? So the last couple of weeks have been a whole slew of emotions as I've been unpacking where this stuff came from and as I was unpacking that I was realizing like, wow, I was surrounded by a lot of love out of the home. But even those things that those people were telling me I did not believe them. I didn't believe them because the inner voice in my head I didn't know this until two days ago the inner voice in my head wasn't even mine, it didn't belong to me, it came from those around me in my home. So the way that I was perceiving myself. It wasn't the truth, it wasn't the way that I really saw myself. It was those things that I was picking up and again, that's no judgment, because how they were, that was all. It's all spirals, you know how they see themselves, how they all that Anyways, which did check me and my parent too, because I was like, oh my gosh, oh gosh, their inner voice is going to come. Wow, it was all just connecting. So I was unpacking that and in that. So I say I was surrounded by some like I had a principal, I think, when I graduated sixth grade. He told my mother he was like I really hope that my daughter grows up to be like Tara. Did you know? That never hit my spirit until literally a couple of weeks ago and I was like, wow, like I really had people speaking life amongst all the stuff that I was going through. I had so many people surrounding me with love and didn't. I didn't know it. I didn't know it at the time, but I was gravitating towards it. You know, as a kid you really don't know that. You just kind of, I'm just gonna go where I feel comfortable. I mean that's what I was gravitating. So, yeah, I I send so much gratitude to my teachers and even on Facebook I will tag them every single time and in specific stories.
Tara Carroll:Like there was one time my first grade teacher. She took me because my mom was working. She was working like two weeks at a time, so we didn't get to see her only on the weekends every other two weeks, and so she would braid our hair up for those two weeks. Now, whose hair is gonna last that long for two weeks? Right, Last. And my teacher.
Tara Carroll:She went, she left the classroom, she left me in there. She got another teacher and they came in. They had a comb, they had a brush and they did my hair and it was like they locked the doors and other kids came in and they didn't ask any questions, they didn't, they just they took care of me and that was love. Or I had I had my fourth grade teacher, he would, he would make sure that I got and it's kind of taboo to do this now, okay, because the time we live in, but he would make sure that I would get home from practice because my dad wouldn't come get me or the bus would stop running and he would make sure I get home safely.
Tara Carroll:Yeah, it was love. That was. You know, the people at the church that I grew up around that were speaking so much life of, wow, you're so talented. And even though I wasn't getting that at home, hearing those words, even though I didn't believe them yet, right, they were still in my mental. So now they're coming up as I'm growing up and I'm unpacking and I'm like, wow, no, I do see myself like this, like that was the truth, that is my truth. What I was perceiving then was not my truth and I can let that go. Now I don't. I'm not in survival mode anymore. I can now just be, I can breathe, I can live and I can see myself now for who I am, and not that facade of all that trauma. That wasn't even mine, or not even you know.
Eileen Grimes:So yeah, so what I? Just the fact that you just said gravitate towards love. I don't know there was something that hit me about that phrase and it just got again. My brain just starts going in a million directions while also listening. And it's so true, like I even when you start thinking about it, for most people we do gravitate towards love, even if we don't understand what the definition of love means right.
Eileen Grimes:And then sometimes we figure it out and like, oh, that's not, that's not it, that wasn't it. Do over mulligan. But I just, you know, thinking about so much of that. It really is, and I, you know it's amazing that you're so. You have the ability and use it to self-reflect on so much of this right, because not everyone does at all. Right, and to take those experiences and think now, how do I do it differently?
Eileen Grimes:And I know that's one of the things that you focus on too is the generational differences and changing the story of what that looks like. And, like you said, you're doing that intentionally and you're parenting. You're looking at your kids and saying what is the inner voice that is gonna be in their heads now? I don't know that our parents had the ability to think that or even know that that was a thing right. So just even being able to do that and to do that intentionally is incredible. And you know, even I think some people even know about it's like I still don't wanna do it. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes I just wanna watch Netflix. But truly it is an amazing gift that you're giving to your children and your marriage and the rest of this world, too, in the work that you're doing. So I just applaud you for all of that. It's incredible the work that you're doing. So thank you yes.
Cheryl Cantafio:And also how wonderfully self-aware you are, because if you asked 10 people, probably eight people say, oh yeah, I'm totally self-aware. Maybe two are self-aware, right. We had talked to somebody a couple weeks back I think she had written a book, her own memoir, and she talked about how she named. She gave a name to her inner voice and it was Tiffany, and like, the more she thought about it, the more ridiculous it was. Like she just had this vision of, like Tiffany gone, you can't do that. And just laughing right.
Cheryl Cantafio:And so, thinking about that, as I was thinking about that book, I had named mine Lottie, with apology again to all the Charlottes and the Lotties in the world. But yeah, so if I get down on myself, literally I'm like Lottie, knock it off, because you're a lot, knock it off. I love that you were able to identify and name what that is. Even if it doesn't have a name from the 80s, it's fine. I love that you did that for yourself and that you are, I think, at Eileen's point, you are that self-aware and that you can share that and kind of break that generational piece with your kids and be like, yeah, all right, yep.
Eileen Grimes:That inner voice is out. Yeah, and Cheryl just jumped on me in this conversation because I hadn't yet been there and she's like what would you name yours? And I was like this gives me five seconds to actually think about this. Bertha was mine, so were you to have now five seconds to come up with yours, what would that look like? What?
Tara Carroll:would you think it would be Honestly, I think I think see, could. My inner fact girl's name is Patricia, so I think my inner voice would be Nick. Okay, Like it.
Eileen Grimes:Awesome. So just if when that happens and you're just Nick Right.
Cheryl Cantafio:Go away. Not today, nick, not today.
Eileen Grimes:Yeah, it's helpful, like I didn't even think about something like that, but it's been helpful for me over the past. Like what, two weeks now, week week, two weeks, but just a different. She's like nope, look, I know you're trying to keep me safe, or whatever your version of safe is, and no, thank you. Right, so, yeah, no, so I, oh, my gosh, we're already holy cow Again. I told you this is going to be forever.
Eileen Grimes:However, I want to be conscientious of your time. You have a family that you need to go back to and we want to make sure you get there. So we talked about your this is happening very much, because that's what's on your heart. Is there anything else than there doesn't have to be, because that's pretty big, I would say. But is there anything else in terms of you know where you see where this goes in the next five, 1015 years that you're already visioning out? Because I could see that you're that type of person that might do that. So, purely out of my own curiosity, would love to see what your this is happening vision is for any of that.
Tara Carroll:Ironically, I, I feel I can. I keep saying ironically and literally just last night I felt like I broke up with that word. I feel like, after this event, with what she said, I feel like I'm going to be speaking and traveling with without my husband. I see it, if you guys have time and you check out my Instagram and you read again is not, the videos are great, but when you read the caption below, yeah said I speak. It's and this is so different for me.
Tara Carroll:Speaking like this about myself, I it's so weird and confidently, but the words that I speak, one, I know that it comes from a place that's like deeper than me. Okay, like it's not, it's a real deep place, because after I read some of the stuff that I write, I'm like, where did I even come from that? I feel the same way for this event that's coming up. So, like I said, I've been, I've been, I'm kind of been in hermit mode and have been a packing myself, because I told my husband like when I get on this stage, I don't want them to see me, I want I and the words that come out of my mouth, I don't want it to come from my ego because I didn't get on that stage for you guys to see me. I need you to hear me and I need you to take something away to apply to your life and I pray that you feel some type of hope, that you feel some type of encouragement, because me being on that stage is is a whole stepping stone, because a year ago, when I was invited as an influencer, I almost didn't go.
Tara Carroll:I had to take myself out of going. Even when I walked in the door I was going to turn around and drive back home because I didn't feel like I belonged. I felt like I was the underdog. I was around so many boss women and I'm like who am? I am? And then, a year later, I'm on the stage with the same boss women and I'm about to speak to. I'm not gonna cry right now, but so I've.
Tara Carroll:I've I've been trying to prepare myself for this in a way. That's again, it's not about me, and I pray that I touch at least one woman in the audience or now, because they'll be men there too I pray I touch at least one person, that one person walks out and feels like they can walk into a room, that they feel like they don't belong and that they can keep going in whatever aspect. So I feel like that's going to come after this event. I don't know what's going to be spoken, I don't know. I don't know what's going to come out my mouth, but I do think that it's going to open up some doors that I didn't even know we're going to open and didn't even know that needed to be open. So in the next five to 10 years you guys may see me traveling amongst doing the marriage stuff. I may be breaking off and traveling and speaking to people and just inspiring and just telling my story and my truth and my authenticity, because I can't tell no one else's story but mine.
Eileen Grimes:Oh, I just felt that so deep down and definitely teared up as you were talking. I just I feel all of what you're saying, so deeply and truly. There is no maybe about it Period. So you're incredible and I cannot wait to watch your star. Your star is already rising. It just needs to keep going further and it will. So congratulations, thank you, and just keep us in mind. I'd love to enter if you need someone to have a fireside chat with or anything. I'll volunteer for that, because one I would love to keep talking to you Also. I just truly I'm we're following you and can't wait to see where the heck you go, because it's just going to keep going far.
Cheryl Cantafio:Keep us posted and please add me to that group chat. So, tara, just for posterity, one more time, once, with months, more of a feeling Can you give us, can you give the audience how they can connect with you on social media?
Tara Carroll:Yes. So if you want a community where you can grow with other like minded people, instagram is for you. If you want a community of where you really just want the raw, honest, like what is going on in your own marriage, like how do you get through that, what have you been through? Follow us on YouTube, join that community. If you want some really just inspirational like okay, what type of stuff are you doing your everyday life? Go ahead and add me on Facebook. And if you want some more like just joyous, like everyday couple things, but real. We don't stage anything and we're not challenges. So if you're looking for that, don't follow us. Go to Tik Tok and follow us. We're all about real and authentic. The world is already trying to put up a front. We're not here to do that. You won't see me in makeup all the time.
Tara Carroll:You will see me like this hair curly, no makeup, glasses on majority of the time, pajamas my mom attire Okay, I will be, the 2% that I do dress up is strong, but then 98% okay, I'm cozy, warm that we want people to feel just like home. We don't want you to have a spa. We don't care if you messed up in your marriage. We don't care if you, we don't care where you came from, we don't care where you start. It's not about where you start, it's about the journey, and that's what marriage is and that's what life is. So follow us, join the community. It's all about family. That's what we're building.
Eileen Grimes:And soon to be retreat, so just again throw enough, tara.
Cheryl Cantafio:thank you so much on behalf of Eileen and myself. Cheryl Cantafio, thank you once again, audience, for joining us on this week's episode of you. Only go once, take care Bye.
