You Only Go Once (Y.O.G.O.)
Cheryl and Eileen explore different topics around the limited time we have on this earth to create a fully layered life. Because...You Only Go Once!
You Only Go Once (Y.O.G.O.)
Renewing Bonds and Embracing Growth: Eileen and Cheryl's Transformative Journey
This episode captures the heartfelt reunion of Cheryl and Eileen as they reflect on their ten-year friendship, the importance of connection, and the creative journeys they've undertaken. They share personal updates, discuss the complexities of maintaining long-term relationships, and explore how creativity and expression can foster deeper connections amidst loneliness.
• Celebrating ten years of meaningful friendship
• Cheryl's transformative experience in publishing three books
• Eileen's exploration of dance and self-expression
• The impact of community and support on personal growth
• Discussing the psychological shift in friendships over time
• Navigating loneliness in a digital age
• The importance of meaningful connections and vulnerability
• Encouraging creativity as a path to joy and connection
• Future plans to continue engaging with listeners
Hey kids, we're back. I am Cheryl Cantafio. I am here with my fantastic, wonderful friend co-host, and in case you didn't remember what our podcast was called, it's called you Only Go Once and we explore stories around the limited time we have on this earth to create a fully layered life. So we're back and I know back in July of last year we had put out a brief announcement just saying we have a lot of stuff going on and we're going to take a sabbatical for the summer. So, yeah, that sabbatical lasted more than we expected and for many good reasons, but now we kind of missed one another and we missed the space.
Speaker 1:And yeah, we just want to kind of come back and talk about you know, just have this lovely conversation between the two of us and just to hold the space, for people are feeling a little bit lonely out there on social media doesn't mean that the stuff you're doing doesn't count, because it does, because you're living life, and you're living life large, and sometimes you're living life quietly and all of that, no matter what the volume of your life is, it's good and keep doing the things that you're doing. So that's where we are. So I mean long time no talking.
Speaker 2:No, my God, so long at least here. So I will get listeners just quickly. Cheryl and I don't just connect on the podcast. We've obviously been a huge part of each other's lives now for years. Has it been a decade?
Speaker 1:Yes, it has, yes, it has, yes, it has Ten years Ten years.
Speaker 2:My friend, I know all the amazing things We'll get into, some of the stuff we've been up to since we kind of took this great pause, this back in terms of showing up for each other and you know, out loud and in a space and what it means to show up for each other in any time and space, right Through the good stuff, through the things that are complicated and hard, and celebrating the wonderful and really being in it fully with each other.
Speaker 2:And that's some of the stuff that we're going to be talking about in this year to come, to go with just the two of us catching up, checking in, seeing where we're at, but also talking through some things that touch us.
Speaker 2:And I don't know about you, but I never got lessons or learned what it meant to really have a grown-up adult friendship or how you do that right and everyone's different, so there's no exact path for that. But obviously now, after 10 years of having this in-person friendship and now bi-coastal friendship that we've had, there's just so much that I feel like it's kind of an incredible thing where I think someone was saying something. I'm gonna have to look this up, but there was something somewhere where someone was saying there's like a seven year shedding or something like that, where after seven years you start kind of you shift in the way that your friends and who you're friends with and who you maintain friendships with and things, and yeah, I just thought that was fascinating kind of learning how we, the people that surround us, and how that changes. But how do you maintain long-term friendship?
Speaker 2:right right, but also just fucking, how are we doing? What is going on on? And God, what is going on? There's so much and for anyone, my heart goes out to everybody right now. Just in general.
Speaker 1:January has felt like a full year. So you know, just yeah, we're. You know, I don't know, I don't even know what to say. It's just felt like a full year. I'll just put it out there and say that Eileen and I are, and always will be, pro-deib. That's not going away from us, and we've prided ourselves on having guests from all different backgrounds. And when we're ready to return to that space of interviewing other guests, our diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging principles will remain the same.
Speaker 2:yep, equally um, thank you, thank you for saying that and I'm glad and totally agree, stand by that wholeheartedly. Um, yeah, and it's weird, it's weird to have to say it, it's not to say it.
Speaker 1:It's not what I even mean.
Speaker 2:I think you meant, in a time and space, to continue to declare that is wild, correct, correct. So how are you? How are you, my friend?
Speaker 1:I am fine. I, you know, this is fine, everything's fine, it's fine, Everything's fine. See what you say, it's fine, everything's fine. You know, last year felt heavy but it's a year that brought a lot of wonderful things for me. I had published not just two books but three books in the span of a small space. I never expected to publish three in one year and it just kind of all got goofy.
Speaker 1:I took a different stance. So Eileen knows this, I'm an introvert. I have like seven friends. I'm perfectly content in that space, and books, when you publish them, have a funny way of saying no, you need to actually talk about us now. I was fortunate enough to join a group of writers and those that have published. I just want to give a shout out to the friends that I have because they also looked out for me during this time and said, hey, you may want to try this or hey, you want to try that. Normally my introvert person would be like that's a weekend, that's my sacred time, and I just said yes to everything. Sometimes when you say yes to everything, you realize that that's a lot of time, but I'm grateful for every single moment of it.
Speaker 1:I did local author events near me and I was truly humbled by how many people came out. I got to do an event at our local zoo, which is amazing, and just got to see what incredible lessons I learned from that. I got to do a horror convention which is… that's right, you have the hunkers to me, right? That's right, given invasion. They said something like hey, a friend of ours has a horror-related poetry book. They were like hey, have her sign up for this. And it was the first event after I published the book. So it was like the Saturday after I published my book and I was fascinated by the response. I will tell you. I walked in that event and I laughed because I thought, well, you've got people promoting their true horror films. They've got horror themed tchotchkes, there are so many other things. And I'm here, going here with my puppetry book I hope you like it, they're so funny. And I went with my friend, julie and I think she was equally surprised. So you have basically two introverts that are kind of hanging out at a horror convention, going what are we doing? And it was lovely. Not only did I have that poetry book, which is A Place no Flowers Grow, but I also had the poetry book that was dedicated to the loss of my mom there, and I couldn't believe how positively received both books were.
Speaker 1:It was an incredible learning opportunity. I'm doing it again this year and it seemed from there everything just kind of blew up. It was oh, this means I can be a little bit braver. So I went to certain larger bookstores and said, hey, I have this book. Would you be interested in a book signing? Much to my surprise, I had four of those last year, which is unbelievable to me. In addition to that, I released a children's book. It has been such a learning experience.
Speaker 1:Just a shout out to our local book authors group. There's two, so there's the Book Authors of Southeastern Pennsylvania. Thank you to that group for being so inclusive and also to the Norristown and Norriton Author Alliance for setting up additional opportunities that I probably would have never even heard of. I love those communities so much and they've enabled a little bit of brave in me and I appreciate that so much. And they've enabled a little bit of brave in me and I appreciate that so much.
Speaker 1:I also did my second Mud Girl run, which is not book related, and if any of you would see me, you know I'm not meant for athletics. That was quite interesting and also just an amazing moment with amazing women supporting a good cause. And then just all the holiday stuff. I had a very intimate holiday with family. It was wonderful. We just had a good time being together and hanging out. It was lovely. So I think that brings me up to date in terms of Some of the things that I did during our summer sabbatical slash, winter sabbatical slash. Here we are probably a little bit longer than we expected to be away, but we were busy, so I'm going to hand it over to Eileen now.
Speaker 2:Eileen Well, you've had a lot Not yet, not yet, not yet.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I'm not handing it back to Eileen. Apparently Not yet.
Speaker 2:Just a moment you did not mention the names of your books, so please do that. Oh, I did. I'm going to hear Barry. Did you say?
Speaker 1:Barry.
Speaker 2:I didn't say.
Speaker 1:Barry, that's true. So listen if you're. So there's a couple things there's A Place no Flowers Grow, which was the poetic tale. There's a couple of things there's A Place no Flowers Grow, which was the poetic tale. That one was kind of my favorite of the year because it was different poems that tell a tale of three main characters. Very cautionary tale. It was a mess around and find out kind of tale.
Speaker 1:There's that one, there's one called, and it is a what we call a chapbook called, and it is a what we call a chapbook. It is very teensy, tiny, but it is called the She-Wolf Sonnet and it is eight sonnets that tell a tale of a she-wolf who realizes she's not the only game in town. So that was the surprise book. I love it so good. And then the final one is and I'll just shout out to my illustrator, nicole Elwood, who did just a lovely job of embracing the world of Barry.
Speaker 1:The book is called Barry and the Big Jump. It is about a little tiny jumping spider who's not necessarily great at jumping, but he gets invited by his three award winning big jump siblings to participate in a four spider broad jump. And it's him going. Oh, I said yes, and oh, what do I do now? So it's kind of like his little journey and I love it. A couple of people have said their littles really enjoy this as a bedtime story, so it's for all your littles who are big dreamers, and something to read at bedtime as well, apparently. So those are the books. More to come. I'm working on another one and then I'm working on a graphic novel version of A Place no Flowers Grow, which should be wicked cool. I also owe the other illustrator for that. Another 10 poems. More to come on that for this year, but I'm hoping that that comes out in september.
Speaker 2:All right, cool, so I'm not sorry, you needed to say that. There you go, thanks eileen, you're welcome.
Speaker 1:So you also had an interesting year right. You celebrated through dance. Do you want to talk a little bit about that?
Speaker 2:yeah, um gosh, uh, when did?
Speaker 1:I mean, that's not the only thing. Take a break.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what was it?
Speaker 2:june I something like that yeah, so in that period of time I finished well, I'm just gonna go chronologically because it helps me, so that I'm not forgetting things, and I will forget things because that's just how it works. But, um, so I finished my psychedelic practitioners core training and finished my warrior exams at the end of july, which was awesome and definitely looking for ways to develop practice there. I'm really fascinated and this is camille, I mean, this is like a whole other episode but like, yes, um, I am fascinated with the integration pieces of that and have a lot of tools and things to be able to support. But also, you know, there's there's psychedelic experiences that are these huge, can be huge, life-altering things. But that's not the only time that happens right, it can be through. You know, we talk about these experiences and you only go once and people have near-death experiences that have literally shaken who they are to the core and brought them to some aliveness they didn't know they had previously and that's, you know, near-death experiences giving birth, becoming a parent, losing family. It can be like there's so many parts and things that can happen in our lives that are just these cataclysmic lightning bolt moments that we're like how the fuck do I now bring what I know, like I can't go back. I can't just go back and continue doing the things normally Right. And so how do we, how do we take this new information and integrate it into our lives in a way that that allows us to open up even further? That part, for me, is so wonderfully rich and fascinating and the stuff that, when we really take those moments, can, I think, change the world right.
Speaker 2:I've also been in this somatic practitioners program now for gosh 11 months I think it is. We finish up in May of this coming year, so I'll be certified and everything within that space. But that has been certified and everything within that space. But that has been, holy shit, a whole big cracking open also, as if I haven't been crapped open enough in the past five years of just life, really tapping into what it means to be an embodied human and like feeling what our bodies are communicating with us and, you know, diving into that, and that's been hand in hand with the stuff that I've been doing. Tap into myself and express that in a way that feels so joyful, freeing, and so sensual and embodied when you live and grow up in a fairly, you know, more religious or strict kind of household. It's wrong to be a sexual or sensual being and this year has been so much embracing and loving that part of me and so I, terrifyingly, did my first student performance of burlesque in I think it was September and that was amazing, amazing, amazing.
Speaker 2:Amazing.
Speaker 1:Amazing, amazing. So Eileen reached out to me and she told me that she was doing this burlesque dance and I thought, okay, it should be interesting, because one thing that people should know about Eileen is that she loves to move. I mean, she loves anything exercise-related, anything physically related, and dance just brings her an astronomical amount of joy. And I got to. Somebody did a video of the performance and it is just fantastic. It is absolutely phenomenal and I am so proud of you, eileen, for putting yourself out there and doing something that gives you joy in a way that's also vulnerable. So proud of you, lady, because that was amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and shout out to Nicole, nikki, brianna that does all the choreo, the teacher and mentor and so much of my life right now. But yeah, it was. It was incredible, I mean, to literally get up on that stage in front of other people. You know, I've done public speaking stuff. I've done, you know, when I was teaching high school math. Like obviously you have to get up and say things in front of teenagers, which is a whole other vulnerability you have to have. But yeah, doing this and expressing myself in this way was just something completely different that I'd never experienced before and so empowering and so freeing and I just I it has definitely just continued to open me up and also dive in even deeper into myself. So, yeah, that happened and I've also been working on a script of sorts.
Speaker 1:Love it, monthly goods month beds.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, so been so. I think this, especially this last sort of quarter of 2024 and even, you know, starting into 2025, has been about expression for me. Um, whether it's through dance and movement and I've been moving every day, I, you, you know I have to like, I have to have a song, even if it's just for like one song. Um, during the day, I have to have to move because there's an expression that allows my body and I'm moving right now. No one can see this except for Cheryl, but there's an expression that is so helpful and healthy for me that, yeah, I just need and I'll give you this too One of the things that my amazing teacher within the Sematic Institute you know all of the teachers, actually, but you know she talked about is having sound with the movements that we make.
Speaker 2:Also, because the amount, especially women and I'm not saying it's just women, but oftentimes we're told as women to be quiet, right, to stay quiet, and even just making like to yawn and make an audible noise of like taking up space can feel terrifying. Like taking up space can feel terrifying, right, you're like, oh, my god, I just I made excuse me, I'm so sorry and sorry, I took up noise space in this room.
Speaker 2:Um, but yeah, to like have an audible breath is incredible and it feels so good and it's just I, like my body feels more relaxed, to just allow myself to exist in this world. It goes past even the sorries that we often say to um, not we, I say I'll say like that, um, but it goes past that into me, just physically and audibly existing in this world. And if I can't even breathe out loud and feel bad for that, that's a fucking problem.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Anyway, this has been such a gift in that and recognizing it and starting to take up more space in that and recognizing it and starting to take up more space, um, so, so, yeah, so. So, with that, it's been like, oh, my god, I just want to express, I've been painting, I've been drawing, I've been dancing, I've been writing, um, and just in any ways that can allow those parts, that creative, expressive piece. It doesn't have to be good, quote-unquote, good, whatever that means, right, but just to like get stuff out has been so cathartic and healing and wonderful, and it's hard. I mean, it's hard, don't get me wrong. It is hard and it hurts a lot of times, um, and I need to feel that hurt because I pushed it down for so long with a lot of things. So, so, yeah, so you know when cheryl and I started this year we are still technically at the start, but it's january 45th at this point, right, or something correct, correct?
Speaker 2:Um, this was a missing piece for me, this, this space, to intentionally catch up with you. Also, I don't know, there was just something. There's something about this podcast for me that it's um, it just brings me so much joy to to have this space with my friend and then we get to learn things and meet people and do stuff that you know I. It brings me energy, whereas other things feel draining a lot of times, and I am looking for and intentionally bringing in those things again that bring me life, and that's part of why we're here today for me.
Speaker 1:So yeah, and I so appreciate that you talk about how well. Let me go back. Yeah, I found that in the 10 years that I've known you, you've managed to find the balance between create and consume, and I feel like you're in your create era right now, which is such a cool thing, and keep going is all I'm gonna say. Just keep going, um. And to the people out there who are trying to find their balance with create and consume, give creativity a try. That could be anything right, it could be um. So I'm looking. You all can't see this and you won't see this because I'm not ready yet for video podcasts. Quite frankly, I'll get there eventually, but Eileen has a lovely cacophony of green plants everywhere.
Speaker 1:We know that creativity can serve many forms. For some people, it can be gardening. For some people it can be gardening. For some people it can be writing. For some people it can be drawing, painting. For some people it can be dance, for you know, for others, sometimes it's just getting tucked into a nice book. You know, for others it may be something else completely, but just try to find your creativity. Maybe something else completely, but just try to find your creativity. The other thing that I want to say is that, post-pandemic, I've learned a lot about the beauty of friendships and the beauty of family and the beauty of framily, which is friends who are considered family, and it's been a lovely reconnection back with people and I'm grateful for that. And, eileen, I'm always proud to call you my friend and we just have fun. I just find friendship overall weird because you, you, know, totally, you start off as strangers.
Speaker 1:Right, you start off strangers and you're like, hey, I have this weird thing that I like and they go me too. And you're like, okay, so I just I guess this is how friendship is made. So, um, right to, uh, to eileen, and to all my friends that are out there and to my family that's out there, I just want to say thanks for embracing my weird, and I love your weird too. Um and uh, you know more to come like. I think we find the joy in our weird and also in our wonderful and our talents and all of that. So, um, to all of you out there, just keep going, because, um, we're going to need that. We're kind of in this weird period, post pandemic. Um, I've seen a couple of things out there. I forget where the article was from, but they are talking about the increase in loneliness.
Speaker 1:Just so you know you go and find and talk to people if you need to do that or just be in a space where people are talking. Sometimes, I know for me from an introvert perspective, sometimes I just like being in a space where I can hear other people talk and that gives me joy and also very freeing, knowing I don't have to contribute to the conversation. I can just kind of listen and people watch. I don't know if that sounds creepy I hope it doesn't but for me I think I find the joy in like bookstores and things like that, and certainly at the. You know, for me, for some of these conventions and things like that, hearing people share their pitch about their books has also been a learning experience, because sometimes you only have about 10 seconds to share who you are, what the book is about, things like that, and you get to learn very quickly what is going to compel people to stay. And I I think for us this year, as we return back into the podcast, we're going to start poking things with a stick and see what interests people, but we're going to do this in a very intimate way. This is probably only going to be once a month and it's just going to be conversations between the two of us and we're going to find different topics.
Speaker 1:We're hoping that people embrace social media in a good way. We know that social media is getting a bad rap right now and you know there's a couple of ways. We're still out on Instagram. We'll have to set up a I think it's called blue sky, is that what it's called? I don't know what that is. Um, I don't know blue sky, it's a blue sky account so that, um, you know, if you're not comfortable anymore in the instagram space, we can reach out to you through blue sky. Um, that's, that's all more to come with that.
Speaker 1:But we kind of want to embrace the conversational aspects of podcasting and just reconnecting with one another through this. Again, we text each other every night. This is not the only way we connect right, but I want to kind of continue that conversation and just know that you know if you're going, oh, me too. Oh, I get that. Oh, I understand that. We would love to hear from you. Yeah, we're hoping that once we post these, you know, we'll start getting back into asking questions and trying to understand. You know where people are with everything. So we're hoping that this is kind of like hey, we hear you virtual hug and also we hope to continue the conversation, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Eileen.
Speaker 1:I'm super proud of you for everything you went through last year. That was the wrong way of putting it, so you're going to strike fine, eileen. I'm super proud of you for all the things you accomplished last year during your sabbatical, and I'm so glad that we are returning to this so that we can kind of talk and catch up on things and discuss topics that we find are poignant for this year and also just from a, like you said, a friendship perspective, a people perspective. That's what we really want to return to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely, um, yeah, it's uh, and, and then connecting for, for each other, but then, yeah, connecting with anyone else that feels that those same things, and um, and having that space to for this and not just be that one wayway conversation, um, out to the ether. You know, um, like cheryl said, if you're, if you're feeling things, if you're wanting to contribute to that conversation, to reach out, um, we'd love to, to hear what sparks joy for you, what's what's been interesting, what do you want to dive further into? And um, yeah, that's it. It matters to us the impact that this can also be making on other people. Yes, so, um, yeah, yes, yes, yes, I just, oh, my gosh, my heart feels so happy it does.
Speaker 1:This has been lovely. I've missed this. This is very cool, same, oh my goodness. All right, my friends out there listening, we're. We're back and hear from us, like once a month, I think. But in the meantime, if there are topics you'd love to hear about, um, you know, just ping us on. You only Go Once on Instagram, for right now We'll get to Blue Sky at some point. I have to figure it out. I'm on there. Personally, I still don't know everything, so I'm not the one to talk to about social media like new stuff, but I'm trying to again. I'm trying something new. I'm hoping that we can continue conversations out there. So, on behalf of my lovely friend of 10 years, huzzah Eileen Grimes, myself, cheryl Cantafio, this concludes our of you Only Go Once. Take care out there.
